I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
