I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
