yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
