Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
