Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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