Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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