he shaved USA in his pubs
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
