Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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