idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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