i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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