2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
