Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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