how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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