Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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