I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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