I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
