she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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