it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
