my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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