Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
