My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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