Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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