I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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