are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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