Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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