He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
