Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
