I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
