he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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