Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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