it was like eating out sand paper
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
