i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
