It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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