I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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