can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
