I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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