after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
