woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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