I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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