My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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