I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
