so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
