thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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