her vagine was all disorganized.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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