if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
