I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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