first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
