getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
