dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
