OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
