i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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