New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
