I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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