you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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