I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
