dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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