i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
