I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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