Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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