If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
