I just made out with a guy for $7.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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