my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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