I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
