sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
