cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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