Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
