he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
