She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
