I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
