He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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