he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
