please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
