I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
