Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Damn victory sex feels great
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
