I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
