You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
