Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
