So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
