She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She even gives head with a lisp.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
