guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Four minutes until I can fart!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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