make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
