i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
4 words: hood of his car
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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