The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
