I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
