Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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