i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
