im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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