My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
