apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am available for nakedness
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