I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
