Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
