If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
