i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
