i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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