I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
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